


overflow

by Fruityloo



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Character Study, F/F, Fluff, nongraphic description of violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-14
Updated: 2014-09-14
Packaged: 2018-02-17 10:20:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,387
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2306219
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fruityloo/pseuds/Fruityloo
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>There was a limit to the number of people Mikasa could care for.</p>
            </blockquote>





	overflow

**Author's Note:**

> A birthday fic for Mikasa and tumblr user thatonepersonoverthere who, coincidentally, shares a birthday with Mikasa. He asked for fluffy femslash.
> 
> I wrote this about a year ago and came across it while I was cleaning out my documents. Figured I might as well post it!

There was a limit to the number of people Mikasa could care for. Her heart was a small, hard thing, built of rock as hard the walls that surrounded them and twice as unyielding. But lately, she felt her heart swelling. Expanding, in a way it hadn’t done since Armin, since Eren. It scared her, more than any titan.

Someone nudged her in the side, distracting her from her thoughts – a welcome distraction. Sasha, of course. Only she dared to bother her while she spaced out like this. .

“Are you going to eat that?” she asked, drawing Mikasa’s attention to her food for the first time since sitting down to eat. She didn’t feel like eating; her mind spun too fast, too full with thoughts. She felt sick.

Sasha stared, awaiting her answer – she might have been drooling just a bit. Mikasa wouldn’t tell.  Her silence carried on – though aware, she was still mostly lost in her thoughts, turning over the idea of another person wedging their way into her hear, feeling sicker and sicker. Armin and Eren caused her enough anxiety. If she spent just as much of her energy worrying about one more… Her heart could only take so much.

Vaguely, Mikasa felt Sasha’s stare go from eager to concerned, then back again. She reached forward towards Mikasa’s untouched loaf of bread, apparently taking her silence as a yes. But before Sasha could reach, Mikasa’s hand snatched out, taking the bread from beneath Sasha’s nose and shoving it into her mouth all in one go.

“Wha-! So mean…” she mock-sniffed and nudged back into Mikasa’s side, playful.

Mikasa fought not to smile around her mouthful of bread.

 _Ah, yes,_ there it was. She could feel it: her swelling heart.

 

* * *

 

“What were you _thinking_?” Levi demanded, not a hint of anger in his voice, but Mikasa could still hear his frustration.

Mikasa said nothing.

Insubordination. Her third offense, and second time disobeying direct orders on the battlefield. A normal soldier – one without her skill – would have been discharged an offense ago. But they could not afford to discharge to discharge Mikasa, and she could not afford to be discharged. Levi didn’t seem to care much about insubordination – Mikasa was lucky.

“ _Well_ , Ackerman?”

“I was thinking I would save a squad member – sir.” The thing was, Mikasa _hadn’t_ been thinking. She didn’t mean to act so brashly. She didn’t take risks – not if she could help it, not unless it was for Eren and Armin, the people she couldn’t afford to lose. But when she saw that Aberrant go after Sasha, she just couldn’t let– She just had to. Had to save her.  

“And nearly got the both of you killed in the process,” Levi still didn’t raise his voice, but Mikasa could tell he was angry now. She didn’t care. She’d make the same choice again and still not regret it.

"Sorry, sir."

Levi met her gaze and his perpetual scowl seemed to deepen. “You’re not fucking sorry. Disobeying orders is one thing – but don’t lie to me.”

“Then I’m not sorry, sir.”

If Mikasa wasn’t mistaken, she thought she saw Levi laugh.

"Look, Ackerman – I know you want to protect them,” Mikasa felt the familiar burn in her heart at the mention of _them_ , felt it stronger than she had in a very long time. “But you have to trust in your squad to take care of themselves. You think I didn’t see that Aberrant? I knew it was coming for us. But Braus was in the top ten just like you. She can take care of herself.”

Mikasa listened. Silent, professional, but couldn’t agree. So what if she knew Sasha could take care of herself? Mikasa needed to be _sure_. The only way to be sure was to do it herself. She had the skill to watch over them all – convinced herself daily that she had the skill. Why shouldn’t she us it?

Levi sighed, running a hand over his face in frustration, and there was resignation in his eyes. Mikasa got the feeling that maybe – maybe he understood. “Whatever. Get out of my office,” Mikasa bit her tongue, almost pointing out that this was, in fact, _Erwin’s_ office. Maybe they were the same thing to Levi. “And don’t do it again.”

 

* * *

 

She did it again. It was over something stupid, too; a squad leader (not even their own) hurling insults at Eren, at her entire squad. Armin told him to knock it off, and when he didn’t – Mikasa couldn’t quite remember all of it. Long story short, she pulled a 3DM blade on a superior officer and scared the living hell out of him. She could see the laughter in Levi’s eyes as he doled out the punishment: ‘Run until you drop,’ a simple punishment from an even simpler time. If Mikasa wasn’t so busy running, she might have felt nostalgic.

She could have run all night – and would have, too, had Levi not stuck his head out the Commander’s window (did he ever leave that room?) and yelled at her to, as he put it, ‘Go the fuck to bed.’

When she returned to the women’s barracks, someone was waiting up for her.

“Mikasa,” a hushed voice called – or at least, a voice trying to be quiet. Sasha couldn’t quiet manage. She waved her over to her bunk, where Christa and Ymir say as well, leaning on each other and looking rather comfortable. Just the sight was enough to make Mikasa’s bones sag.

Mikasa was tired from running, but the sound of Sasha’s voice perked her up in a way Mikasa wasn’t quite willing to admit. She felt her heart swell, wanted for force the feeling down, but – she was tired, and Sasha’s smile, her hushed-not-hushed voice making her want to stay awake.

“I saved this for you,” Sasha said, reaching from behind her back and producing something wrapped in cloth. Mikasa took it wordlessly, unwrapping the parcel. A small load of bread.

“You saved this for me?” she asked – stupid question. Had she not been so taken off guard, she might have winced at the inanity.

“It was Christa’s idea…”

“But it was part of her dinner,” Christa offered, smiling and readjusting against Ymir’s back.

“Like hell I was going to let you sacrifice your dinner for her,” Ymir said gruffly, but Mikasa knew her well enough point to hear the smile in her voice.

Mikasa blinked down at her hands, re-wrapping the bit of food as she struggled for something to say. Words had never been her strong point, and she was too taken aback to think properly.

She settled for a simple, “Thank you,” though she meant a lot more than that. She sat down in her bunk and stayed quiet for the rest of the night, picking thoughtfully at her bread.

 

* * *

 

“Hey, hey, Mikasa,” Sasha nudged her in the side, as had become their ritual whenever Sasha wanted her attention. Were if not for the nudge, Mikasa might not have heard her over the cacophony of the rest of the 104th passing around plates of meat pilfered from the storehouse and a rare spiced cake: delicacies for a group of growing teenagers living on soldier’s rations. It was a celebration, of sorts. A _we’re still alive_ sort of celebration.

It was also Mikasa’s birthday.

“Do you remember when you saved me?” Beneath the table, Mikasa felt Sasha’s fingers reach for hers. Mikasa nearly jumped – might have jumped, had she not known Sasha so well. Mikasa communicated through looks at gestures; Sasha communicated through words, through touch. “I never thanked you, and…”

“Sasha-“

She turned her head, a response on her lips, perhaps a question. Mikasa never got to hear it.

She surged forward, propelled by a force unknown to her, by the force of her undeniably growing heart, and crashed their lips together. A small yelp escaped between then, Sasha’s surprise coming out as nervous energy as she squirmed in her seat, unsure and then- Mikasa felt her lips curl into a smile, foreheads touching as their kiss broke apart. Mikasa felt herself smile too – not as broadly, but she still couldn’t remember the last time she smiled so hard.

She smiled because, for the first time in a long time, her heart could fit one more.


End file.
